turning the corner

i've been doing lots of thinking. can you smell it?

i've realised that i have a tendency to hold on to the past. i find myself overly concerned with those things that no longer have any direct influence on my 'go-forward' life plan. the umbilical cord is still attached, as though i believe, on some deeper level, that my life depends on this security. this 'known' element.

and i wonder why i find it difficult to move forward with my life.

today, i feel as though i've turned a corner. i am letting go. releasing, back to the universe, those bonds and chains with which i have bound myself. i no longer feel the need to peek back around the corner, to make sure those things and people i've left behind are 'doing okay' without me. of course they are okay... how could they be anything else?

they may struggle. they may not like it. they may even try to lay blame on me for their current conundrums. but that's okay, because i'm not actually there to be weighed down by the heavy blanket of blame. i'm all the way over here, and i realise that the weight i have been feeling is the blanket of blame i've laid on myself.

it's time to throw off the covers! time to unshackle my legs and arms. time to shout YES! to the world in front of me, arms wide, legs spread, feet planted firmly on the ground, head floating in the clouds.

i remember those first steps i took, not as an infant, but as an adult, walking for the first time after six months in a wheelchair. in the background played marvin gaye's let's get it on. i remember thinking to myself that this would be my new anthem. i even thought that i should create a new walk, a swagger, perhaps, to go along with it.

I've been really tryin, baby
Tryin to hold back these feelings for so long
And if you feel, like I feel baby
Come on, oh come on,

Let's get it on

/pk